#might delate later
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GUYS I PASSED MY STATISTICS EXAM ON THE 12TH TRY IN THE LAST 3 YEARS GOD I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF
#Got 27/30 points#Not passing the same exam in december 2022 got me being s drop-out of previous major so that’s a big deal#And funny thing it was with the very same lecturer every time#Statistic is the worst math i ever had to do it’s a literall hell for people bad at math#dzut#might delate later
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Wips thinking about these two!
Tip Jar: Ko-Fi / PayPal
COMMISSIONS : OPEN / OPEN
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Forgot how much I love my shitty little skull bong off Wish
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A picture from new year's eve when I gave a presentation to my friends about Critical Role
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Why do my brothers always chose violence?
#im not mad it was really funny#this is why i need to buy a nerf gun#they bought theirs a few years back and ive known no peace ever since#personal#might delate this later#dg rambles
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Fanfictions are good and fun, yeah, but they lie to you about the experience of fancying one of your best friends.
0/10, wouldn't recommend.
#tipsy thoughts#might delete later#feeling a little bit sad tonight#like why him?#when you could fall in love with literally anyone else#definitely going to delate this later
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nothing is better than writing so much in one sitting that it makes your eyes hurt and makes you slightly nauseous
this fic is fic-ing so god damn well my friends
#im fine i swear#just have been writing for like 2 hours#off and on two hours but staring at a screen for 2 hours#thank god most of my friends are asleep and wont see this#hopefully#whelp time to read till 3 am on my phone in bed#did i mention that my joints also hurt?#i need to stretch lmao#worth it tho#i love this fic sm and it's not even halfway done and it's already 4k long#i might take a break from it to write smth else tomorrow but idk#to delate later
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The worst part of having been in therapy for depression before is that you recognize the sign, recognize why it is starting again, how it psychically and mentally feels, and sometimes you know what to do to "help" but still be completely unable to stop it from happening so you're just laying in bed, mentally screaming at yourself to *help yourself* but you don't even have the energy to grab a pillow to make yourself more comfortable
#going insane hereeeee#yelling into yhe voice might delate later or maybe not idk I'll probably forget
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Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I'm not in the mood for my mom or family dinner tonight.
#to delate later#dinner is too early#me: i /might/ be autistic we dont have a formal diagnosis#mom: no youre just autistic (mean tone)#also mom: *gets pissy with me whenever i exhibit autistic traits*#and its not just with my schedules i like to have (which my therapost thinks is a trauma response and not the 'tism)#but when i was excited about her watching the good place and i would talk a little shed get mad at me#and once even said “id you keep talking im not going to watch this!”#like do you want me to embrace the tism or not?#and when i called her out on this she was like “i just dont want you using it as a crutch!” as if i could use something i wont even admit to#having as a crutch
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"My daddy has to fight some bad guys". || Jay Halstead x reader and daughter
*re-posting this because I'm stupid and accidentaly delated my blog 🫠
You woke up earlier than everybody in your house to get everything ready for everyone. Jay would usually follow you a few minutes later and you two would make breakfast and get your daughter ready for school together, along with other morning stuff. This wasn't the day, your husband had fallen asleep and you were doing everything by yourself, trying not to make a lot of noise. You knew he was working a tough case and had come back quite late from work the night before, so you didn't want to wake him up. Even when he didn't want to admit it, he was tired as hell and needed to rest.
You were in the kitchen starting to cook breakfast when you felt his arms hugging you from the back.
-"Did I wake you up?" You asked. -"I was trying not to".
-"I didn't feel you by my side and I couldn't fall asleep again". He answered into your ear and then kissed your neck as he continued talking. -"I'm sorry I haven't been around. We closed this case last night, what's left is a bunch of paperwork. My hope is to be back home early tonight and...". You turned around to hug him back and interrupted him with a short kiss. He rushed to finish his sentence with a heavy breathing : "...I can make it up for you", then proceeded to tenderly kiss your lips as he held you as tight as he could with one of his arms, while fervently holding your head with his other hand, finger all tangled in your hair, pulling it a bit.
Due to the case Jay was working on, you two had barely seen each other during the last week and a half, so things were heating up fast. Suddenly, for both of your displeasure, an alarm interrupted the moment.
-"Time to wake her up". You said having trouble separating from him.
-"I'll go". Jay took your phone to turn off the alarm. -"I'm driving her to school too".
-"Hey, Jay!" You took his hand before letting him leave the room. -"You do remember her Father's Day Festival, right?".
-"Next friday, 10:30, sure".
-"I was thinking...maybe you should talk to her and explain that...of course you will be there, but if you are not able to make it is due to your work".
-"But I will be there".
-"I know, I know, it's just...we never know when a case might pop up. Remember the Spring Festival?".
-"Oh. The bank robbery right before it...".
-"Yes, that's what I mean. That time was easy because I was there, but this time I won't...".
-"I will talk to her". He said after a few seconds of silence. -"But I'll be there, no matter what".
That day, Tessa and her class made a craft for their fathers. All the little kids were drawing in a small paper square that would become a keychain for Father's Day. Some of them were drawing hearts, others were doing stick figures. Tessa drew her dad carrying her over his shoulders and a bunch of hearts around. Her artwork was a little abstract, but understandable for a 5 year old.
-"All right". Ms. Luna said in a sweet voice. Tessa really loved her teacher. -"I am going to take your drawings and we will give them back to our dads as a key chain during the festival!".
-"My daddy said he will come, but he's working and if he doesn't show up it is because he has to fight some bad guys. Bad guys don't respect days or time". Tessa rushed to repeat what Jay tried to explain to her earlier in the morning when he was taking her to school.
-"It's ok". Her teacher laughed a bit. -"Sometimes parents can't make it and it's ok. That doesn't mean they don't want to or that they don't love us".
The class rehearsed the song they would sing at intervals throughout the rest of the day. Tessa never missed the opportunity to repeat the information going around her head: "My dad said he's coming, but if he's not here it means he's working" or "My daddy is fighting the bad guys and bad guys they don't respect days or time" or "He will be here, but if he's not here, that means he's on the streets. He makes Chicago safe". Her friends were amazed whenever she repeated those statements. She did understand what her father told her, but she didn't really comprehend.
The day was here. You dropped Tessa at school, she was all excited. Before she entered the building you reminded her: "If it happens that daddy is not here or he's late, remember he's fighting the bad guys".
Jay was already in the bullpen, everything was strangely calmed. He had talked with Voight about going out to Tessa's school and he gladly agreed.
-"Today is the day isn't it?" Hailey asked Jay as she entered the coffee room.
-"Yeah". He smirked. -"If nothing else intervenes".
-"Let's stay positive". She said remembering what had happened last Spring Festival.
It was 8:30, the day had just started when Trudy came upstairs with an urgent case.
-"That's just my luck". Jay said, rushing downstairs with his partner.
-"Let's try to make it quick". Hailey answered by putting on her coat.
At school, the kids were getting ready to go outside to start the festival. Parents were gathering outside of the building, waiting to get inside.
Students from all schools were lining up around the court. Their parents were supposed to meet them and be in front of their kid's group to hear them sing.
-"Is your dad here?" One of Tessa's friends asked.
-"I can't see him". She answered standing on tiptoe. -"But it's ok, it's because he had to fight the bad guys".
All the kids waved their fathers with excitement, some of them ran to hug them before starting the show. Jay didn't make it, but Tessa wasn't feeling bad about it...yet.
When the song finished, all the kids jumped into their fathers arms and gave them the craft they made in class as a gift for them. Tessa stood in her place, not being able to hold her tears. She was crying in silence, so between the noise and excitement around the little girl, nobody noticed her until a few minutes later. As soon as her teacher saw her, she ran towards her and hugged her tight.
-"It's ok, honey. It's ok. Your dad wanted to be here with you". She said in a very sweet and calmed voice. -"Remember he is fighting the bad guys, you said that before ''.
Some parents were moved watching the scene, but there was nothing they could do. Ms. Johnson, the school's principal, noticed the situation from afar and she joined as soon as she could. By only moving her lips, trying not to be heard, she asked Tessa's teacher if the little girl's father wasn't there. She shaked her head in disapproval when the teacher answered with a sorry face.
-"We can call your dad, Tess. That way you can hear his voice".
-"But, Ms. Johnson, he's fighting the bad guys". Ms. Luna intervened.
-"Oh!" She understood. -"Ok, but we can call him later, we'll tell him to come so you can give him your present. Would you like that?".
The little girl was an emotional mess, but agreed with her head, even though she wasn't really listening to what the adults were saying.
The emergency call for the intelligence team ended up in a shooting and that delayed detective Halstead. As soon as he finished with interviews and all the bureaucracy after this kind of situation, he ran off.
-"Go, go, go". Hailey rushed. -"I cover you".
Jay drove his truck as fast as he could, siren on. It wasn't a police emergency, but it was an emergency after all, he could deal with the consequences later. He parked in the first spot he found, even if it wasn't merely in front of the school and ran as fast as he could in a police mode to get to his baby girl. It was until he entered the building that he noticed he was still wearing the vest, gun and badge on his hip, but didn't care.
-"There he is!" Ms. Johnson pointed to Tessa's father.
-"Come on! Come on!" Ms. Luna took the little girl's hand and started running towards her dad.
-"I'm so sorry". Jay took Tessa in his arms and carried her holding her as tight as he could. She was too emotionally drained to react.
Kids around were already saying goodbye to their parents, going back to their classrooms.
-"We'll give you some time alone". Ms. Johnson informed Jay and he muttered a "thank you".
-"You can go back to the classroom when you feel ready". Ms. Luna told her student.
-"I hate the bad guys". Tessa managed to say when they were finally alone.
-"Me too". Her father said. -"I'm really, really sorry I didn't hear you sing, but I'm here right now". He wiped the tears from her cheeks.
-"I did it real good, you missed it". She said playing with the key chain in her hands.
-"I bet you did". Jay chuckled. -"What do you have there?".
-"It's a present for you. I made it for you". She extended her short arm to give it to her dad.
-"For me? Is it for my keys? I love it!"
-"It's you and me and lots of hearts. I drew it myself".
-"I can see that. It's beautiful. Thank you, sweetie". Jay's phone started ringing and he sighed when he read the text messages.
-"I have to go back to work".
-"But I don't want you to go". She started crying again.
Ms. Johnson came into the scene to help Tessa go back to her class" -"Daddy has to go back to work, sweetie. Ms. Luna and your friends are waiting for you, let's go". And she took her tenderly in her arms as her crying grew louder.
-"It's all right". Jay reassured her with a kiss. -"I love you. I'll see you at home, ok?". And she disappeared through the door.
He peeked through the classroom window to check on her before departing. He witnessed how Ms. Luna was successfully calming her down and felt a little bit more relaxed to go.
-"Thank you for coming". Ms. Johnson told him with a smile. -"For real".
With a heavy heart, he got into his truck and before turning it on, he hung the keychain in his keys. He inspected the tiny drawing and smiled before going back to the bullpen.
Thanks for reading. If you liked it, it would help my soul if you give it a ♡, comment or share. 😌♡
#chicago pd#chicago pd imagine#Jay Halstead#Jay Halstead x reader#Jay halstead x Y/N#Jay Halstead imagine#Jay Halstead one shot#Jay Halstead x you#kevin atwater#One chicago#One chicago one shot#Jay Halstead x daughter
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Bulimics are like ate that shi up might delate later
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Serious Question
How do you explain to your very privileged friends that you cannot quit you job for “a happier one”?
Harder after a pandemic. Even harder when you have a job title that does not exist in other companies, and a set of skill that no-one looks for (even though they should). I mean, for my career path, my next job should be with WGSN or Stylus or something like that. That do not have offices in my country and will not hire me when they could hire a local who will not need a work visa and from a prestigious college like Saint Martins or Parsons.
It must be a lot easier for them with their safety net, contacts in luxury brands, and their FIT degree.
So, how do you tell them lovingly to fuck off without telling them to fuck off?
#serious question#why do privileged people insist in not seeing what is going on in the world?#might delate later#I just really do not get it
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Jungkook x ON
#jk#jungkook#jeon jungkook#bts#bangtan#btsgifs#made by: anne#idk what i think about the colouring#might delate later
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#me being silly#me#my photo#felt cute#might delate later#mood#smile#happyday#happyplace#babydoll#babygirl
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Some pictures of myself, might delate later ..
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So the thing is I’ve been feeling pretty shitty recently... like my mental health has been deteriorating for the last couple weeks.
I don’t feel good with anything really... not my job, my appearance or even my relationship(which is making me feel like even worse asshole becouse I have such a good boyfriend). And I can’t even think about my future without tearing up bacouse I feel so fucking lost all the time. Like I can’t find any sense in what I did up til now and I can’t find a place for myself in the future.
Every moment I am left alone with my thoughts I have this growing feeling of fear in my guts. And I know this feeling very well.. it has been with me on and off for almost 2 years now. It didn’t come back for some time now (since I graduated university) but now it’s here and I feel like it’s worse than ever.
I have no real reason to put this on here but I just needed to get it off my chest since I have long forgotten how to talk about things like this with people around me.
#mental health#trigger warning#depression#problems#reality sucks#and i just need aome place to put my thoughts#might delate later#also#im old#i often feel worse right before my birthday#so it might be it
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